the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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