Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
