My first STD was from a foam party
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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