Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Randomize
