I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I want a musical about memes.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
