I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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