he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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