I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
