Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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