There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Randomize
