he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
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