It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
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