i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize