Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Randomize