Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
