I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
this is an emotional support booty call
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Randomize
