Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
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