Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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