i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
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