Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
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