idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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