people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
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