Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
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