I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
