Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
apparently the secret to your success is patron
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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