Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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