Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
