I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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