after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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