I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
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