dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
she smelled like a LAN party
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Randomize
