There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
