All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
