I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Randomize
