Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
