Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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