Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
