Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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