I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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