i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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