You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
