I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize
