If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
