our cab driver is having phone sex.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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