she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
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