y did u give ur computer a hand job?
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
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