I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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