Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
