dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Randomize
