u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Randomize
