By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
