You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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