how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
