my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I feel like a drive thru vagina
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Randomize
