Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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