Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
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