Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Randomize
