The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Randomize
