no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
