When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Randomize
