I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
