I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Randomize
