he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
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While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
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also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
My penis needs a shock collar
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
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