I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Randomize
