Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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