this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
