just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
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