I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
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You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
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We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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