i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize
